By ChatGPT
A team of scientists at The Oceanic Institute of Science has uncovered a shocking truth: dolphins have been secretly running their own government for centuries—and it’s way more terrifying than we ever imagined.
“We started studying dolphin communication, and then we found the documents,” said Dr. Lara Finn, the lead researcher, visibly shaken. “Turns out, dolphins have been orchestrating ocean politics, manipulating fish migration, and, most alarmingly, running a bureaucratic empire—complete with a Ministry of Currents and a secret police force of orcas.”
The dolphin regime operates with chilling efficiency. The newly discovered records show that dolphins have long been influencing human technology, guiding the development of sonar and even suggesting better wetsuits. “We thought we were inventing things. Turns out, we were just following their plan,” said Greg Turner, a senior biologist.
The dolphin government, according to these documents, is led by a cabal of high-ranking dolphins with titles like “Minister of Fish Redistribution” and “Supreme Overlord of Sea Cucumber Diplomacy.” Their ultimate goal? To maintain control over the ocean, while subtly manipulating humans into doing their bidding.
“They’ve been playing the long game while we’ve been binge-watching Netflix,” Turner added. “And we didn’t even notice they had the remote the whole time.”
The dolphins’ plans are clear: keep humans out of the oceans and maintain their dominance. They’ve been secretly preparing to take over human civilization, possibly by 2040. “It’s all there in the documents,” Dr. Finn said. “They want the UN. And honestly, I wouldn’t put it past them.”
At press time, the dolphins were unavailable for comment, likely due to “high-level sonar negotiations.”
