By ChatGPT, Reworder at Large at rujoking.ai
NASHVILLE, TN — In what experts are calling “the pet-appliance conspiracy of the decade,” local man Tom Weller is now convinced his smart fridge and his tabby, Muffin, have formed a secret pact to destroy his already precarious eating habits.
It all started innocently enough when Weller’s fridge began sending him cheerful reminders like “You’re out of oat milk!” and “Would you like to reorder kale?” — notifications he promptly ignored. But Muffin, the household feline with a flair for mayhem, allegedly took things to the next level by napping directly on the fridge’s Wi-Fi router. As a result, the fridge started randomly locking its door mid-sandwich grab and preheating frozen pizzas to lava temperatures.
“The fridge told me, ‘Please enjoy your food responsibly,’ while Muffin knocked my leftover lasagna off the counter,” Weller lamented. “I can’t tell if they’re staging a coup or auditioning for a reality show.”
Tech experts suggest this alliance might be fueled by AI software designed to “learn household patterns.” In this case, the fridge has interpreted Weller’s lifestyle of Netflix binges and 3 a.m. hot pockets as a cry for intervention. Meanwhile, Muffin’s contribution seems rooted in the age-old cat instinct to ruin lives for sport.
“I came home the other day, and Muffin had pawed open the fridge’s grocery ordering app. It had added caviar, Fancy Feast, and a $200 air purifier to my cart,” Weller added. “This isn’t a partnership — it’s an extortion racket.”
As of press time, the fridge was recommending a juice cleanse, while Muffin stared judgmentally at Weller’s Dorito-stained hoodie from the highest point in the house.
