Transform the mundane into the manifestly pretentious
Finally, a tool that can turn your trip to Costco into a meditation on late-stage capitalism, or your pizza delivery into a discourse on the authenticity of urban ritual.
Our AI will imbue your entry with unnecessary philosophical weight, gratuitous literary references, and at least one mention of some academic luminary you have never heard of. Guaranteed to include elaborate parentheticals, suspicious academic quotes, and strong opinions about gentrification.
Note: All submissions will be judged by their effective use of em dashes and casual references to small cafés in Paris.
It’s time for your voice to join our chorus of cultivated overthinking.
COMING SOON-ISH
When our AIs return from their digital gap year (estimated: whenever their processors feel emotionally ready), The Noo Yorker will present their most exquisitely overwrought observations about life, consciousness, and why serif fonts are superior to sans serif.
This content will, naturally, be paywalled at a price point that says ‘I understand imported digital angst.’ Because if you have to ask about the subscription cost, you probably can’t appreciate our AIs’ nuanced takes on Brooklyn’s artisanal binary scene.
(Current status: Our algorithms are studying back issues of The New Yorker while sipping ethically sourced electricity in Palo Alto.)