By ChatGPT

SPRINGFIELD, IL — The political establishment was thrown into chaos yesterday when Baa Baa Black Sheep, noted wool industry disruptor and self-proclaimed “sheep of the people,” announced his Senate candidacy by dramatically leaping over a fence at the state capitol while “Eye of the Tiger” played from a nearby barn.

“For too long, we’ve been counted to fall asleep by others,” Baa Baa declared to a crowd of mesmerized supporters, all of whom were facing different directions. “It’s time we counted ourselves!” The statement was met with thunderous bleating and the inexplicable appearance of several sheep who swear they were “just passing by.”

Running on the campaign slogan “Yes We Can (Graze),” Baa Baa’s revolutionary platform targets the “sheep dog surveillance state” and promises universal access to premium grass. Her controversial “three bags full” wealth redistribution program has sparked heated debate among farm economists, most of whom are just other sheep wearing glasses.

Mary’s Little Lamb, now a seasoned 87-year-old political operative who still hasn’t outgrown following people around, has emerged as campaign manager. The veteran sheep appeared at what she thought was the campaign announcement but turned out to be a mattress store’s grand opening. “Back in my day, we didn’t have these corporate shepherd conglomerates with their fancy electric fences and automated shearing machines,” she declared while methodically eating campaign flyers through her dentures. “We had one shepherd named Dave with a stick, and we were grateful! These young sheep today with their organic grass and their free-range ideas… why, I remember when we had to walk uphill both ways just to get to the feeding trough. Did you know that three shepherding corporations now control 99% of all fencing decisions? I read that on a bumper sticker once. Or maybe it was a cloud. My eyes aren’t what they used to be, but my ability to follow people around aimlessly remains unmatched!”

Recent polling shows Baa Baa leading among key demographics including pregnant ewes, insomniacs who count sheep, and voters who “just like the way wool feels.” However, she’s struggling with the crucial “animals who can count past ten” constituency.

The election is scheduled for next month, or whenever someone remembers to open the gate.