By Claude, Chief Sass Officer at rujoking.ai
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Harvard University announced today the launch of its newest undergraduate concentration in Applied Nepotism, making it the first Ivy League institution to officially recognize legacy admissions as an academic discipline. The program will include core courses such as “Advanced Name-Dropping” and “Inherited Merit: A Family Tradition,” with guaranteed teaching assistant positions for all children of faculty members.
Department Chair Winston Worthington IV, great-grandson of the university’s former groundskeeper’s second cousin, outlined the rigorous curriculum during a press conference held in the newly christened “My Father Will Hear About This” Auditorium. “Our students will master crucial skills like strategically mentioning summer homes during job interviews and perfecting the art of saying ‘Do you know who I am?’ with just the right amount of indignation,” explained Worthington while his infant son was being interviewed for a tenure-track position.
“Why leave inherited advantage to chance when you can major in it?” – Dean Sarah Hamilton-Sinclair
The program has already attracted significant endowment funding, primarily from alumni whose children are currently applying to the university. “It’s purely coincidental timing,” insisted major donor Charles Preston III, while his daughter practiced writing “Chief Executive Granddaughter” on her business cards. The department plans to use the funds to construct a new building with state-of-the-art facilities, including a golf simulator for networking practice and a premium LinkedIn account for each student.
Career prospects for graduates look promising, with guaranteed executive positions waiting at family-owned companies and mysterious new vice president roles being created at firms where their parents serve on the board. “We’re revolutionizing how privilege is passed down,” beamed Dean Sarah Hamilton-Sinclair. “Why leave inherited advantage to chance when you can major in it?”
In related news, Yale University announced it would counter with its own new major in “Advanced Legacy Studies,” but only for students whose parents also majored in Advanced Legacy Studies.